La Papier DE food

Reflection:

The paper was adequate length and included a wealth of information. However, I seem to lose focus and toward the end I am on the verge of a random streak. In the draft I wanted to include a history, some statistics, and the process for creating chocolate. I also intended to use the class activity in the paper. The hardest part was making it all come together. How do you mix history and a class activity in one paper? While trying to answer this question, I hit a writers block. While I think I succeeded in including everything I wanted into the paper, the result is essentially blocks of unconnected information. I have a history, the class activity, the process for creating chocolate, and some statistics but everything lacks transition. The paper jumps randomly from one topic to another without much notice.
The only thing I though I did well was the history. It was extremely interesting to find out where chocolate came from and I think I reflected that interest in the paper. However, like the rest of my paper, it is flawed. The history paragraph is very long and imbalances the paper.
My partner was of no major assistance. He read the paper and said it was good.
To conclude, I need major revisions on this paper. Transitions, paragraph balance, and a proper introduction and conclusion are required.

Now, to example some stuff I need to do:


For the intro: I say "heres a bit of history" and then most of my paper is history. I need to cut that phrase out entirely and definitely add a description of the class activity that I mention in two short paragraphs at the end. For a successful intro, I need something that would draw the reader in. I don't have that something. A statistic, quote, anecdote, something needs to be added.

This ties directly with paragraph balance. As my "bit" of history takes up most of the paper.

The conclusion needs to be redone to better mirror the intro and the rest of the paper. I should perhaps restate the intro in other words or tie everything together with a nice statistic, question or appeal. As I learned, conclusions are better worked on after the essay has been written.

My disconnectedness throughout the essay manifests itself in the transitions. For example, I go from "By 1868, a little English company called Cadbury was marketing boxes of chocolate candies in England. Milk Chocolate hit the market a few years later, pioneered by Nestle," ending my history paragraph, right to how chocolate is made and then, a few sentences later, weakly tie in the class activity with the following "All the different companies around today have capitalized on different combinations and by adding distinct ingredients, like raisins and almonds. I have had the pleasure of tasting chocolate from four different companies: Godiva, Lindt, Hershey, and Dove." Then, BAM, I'm into the class activity.

To me, this is happened way too fast and unexpectedly. I need to either take out the whole piece on how chocolate is made and focus on the class activity right after the history or I need to elaborate more on how chocolate is made and then build up the introduction to the class activity before I actually get into into the activity itself.

The history needs to get shortened. I get into too much detail. To give an example,here is a part of the paragraph: "In 1828, a Dutch chemist found a way to make powdered chocolate by removing about half the natural fat from chocolate liquor, crushing the rest and treating the mixture with alkaline salts to get rid of the bitter taste. His product soon led to the creation of solid chocolate. It wasn’t until 1847 that the first modern chocolate bar came into existence. This was largely due to a man called Joseph Fry who discovered that he could make a moldable paste by adding melted cacao butter back into Dutch cocoa. By 1868, a little English company called Cadbury was marketing boxes of chocolate candies in England. Milk Chocolate hit the market a few years later, pioneered by Nestle."
Out of this monster bit of historical information, all the reader needs to know is that in 1847 the modern chocolate bar came into existence thanks to Joseph Fry, that by 1868 Cadbury was producing boxed chocolate, and that Nestle made milk chocolate a short while after 1868. With shortening the history has to come the beefing up the other paragraphs (mainly the class activity ones).

Finally, here is the paper:

Chocolate has been a world favorite treat for centuries. There are a select few people around that actually do not know what chocolate is. It has been around for nearly 2000 years. The earliest recording of chocolate was found in the Latin America. This delectable treat today comes in many varieties and from many companies. Recently, I have had the opportunity to try several brands of chocolate and compare their characteristics. But first, here’s a bit of history.
The word “chocolate” entered the English language from the Spanish. How the Spanish came up with the word is less certain. The most cited explanation is that the word comes from Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs. For most of its existence, chocolate has actually been used as a drink, not an edible food source. Sugar wasn’t even used. The Aztecs created a bitter drink from cocoa beans and called it xocoatl. The Spanish were the first Europeans to find out about chocolate when they arrived to Latin America and sampled the local cuisine. According to legend the Aztec king Montezuma welcomed the Spanish explorer Hernando Cortes with a banquet that included drinking chocolate, having mistaken the invader for a deity. Chocolate wasn’t popular at first, everyone hated the bitter taste, but once mixed with honey or cane sugar, it quickly became a Spanish favorite. By the 17th century, chocolate was a fashionable drink throughout Europe, believed to have nutritious, medicinal, and even aphrodisiac properties. It remained largely a privilege of the rich until the invention of the steam engine made mass production possible late in the 18th century.In 1828, a Dutch chemist found a way to make powdered chocolate by removing about half the natural fat from chocolate liquor, crushing the rest and treating the mixture with alkaline salts to get rid of the bitter taste. His product soon led to the creation of solid chocolate. It wasn’t until 1847 that the first modern chocolate bar came into existence. This was largely due to a man called Joseph Fry who discovered that he could make a moldable paste by adding melted cacao butter back into Dutch cocoa. By 1868, a little English company called Cadbury was marketing boxes of chocolate candies in England. Milk Chocolate hit the market a few years later, pioneered by Nestle.
Today, all chocolate, no matter where it is comes from, is derived from the cocoa plant. The plant itself, if eaten, is actually toxic. From the plant, however, is squeezed cocoa butter. Cocoa butter is a type of vegetable oil. It is a primary ingredient in every bit of chocolate in the world. The different tastes and flavors of chocolate are determined by the combinations of amounts of cocoa butter, milk, and sugar. All the different companies around today have capitalized on different combinations and by adding distinct ingredients, like raisins and almonds. I have had the pleasure of tasting chocolate from four different companies: Godiva, Lindt, Hershey, and Dove.
On the surface, all the different brands of chocolate look and feel the same. All four brands featured a smooth, even lustrous, appearance. The only difference came with color. Although predominantly on the brown side of the color spectrum, some brands, like dove and Hershey, were dark brown while the rest were light brown to regular brown. Feeling them also made no difference. They all shared the same characteristic: smoothness.
Even when placed in the mouth, the four brands were identical. All were somewhat hard to bite into, but once in the mouth, they crumbled and melted creating a sticky sugary mess. The only difference came in the taste. The four companies made their mark here. Hersheys had a more bitter taste. Dove melted fast and featured a milky, sugary taste. Godiva and Lindt both shared a distinct condensed milk flavor.
Of them all, I preferred Lindt. This company did a good job presenting and creating their product. Lindt had the sweetest flavor of them all. Once you had one piece, you immediately wanted another one. The packaging was also the best. Lindt did away from the ordinary gold, brown, and black to feature blue.
Chocolate is truly a wondrous delicacy. Chocolate manufacturing is a $4+ billion-dollar industry in the U.S. and the average American eats at least half a pound of the stuff per month. I fell victim to its allure many times, and at times consume more than the average half a pound. I am not alone, I am sure. Perhaps the most interesting thing about chocolate is that it existed throughout the recorded history of man and still remains a strong part of human culture.