The final revision! Music paper

Quick reflection:

After rereading the piece, I was actually surprised to find that did not have much to change. Initially, I thought the paper was horrible and needed extensive revision. Now, I realized that I was wrong. Although still requiring editing, the paper is not nearly as bad as I had envisioned it. It had a certain type of flow to it that needed to be protected or else a whole new paper needed to be done. Thus, I was careful with what I added and took out.

The introduction largely remained the same. the only major revision that I did was tweaking the ending sentence of the paragraph.
Before: His career began in 1980 when he helped find one of, if not the, most famous Russian rock groups called DDT.

After:. His fruitful career began in 1980 and has not stopped going.

To me, its simpleness better aids the flow. The intro adequately serves the purpose of drawing the reader in. The bold beginning sentence is probably it's strongest part.

I edited the history part of the essay, cutting out some unnecessary information. The history part is now sweet and to the point while at the same time presenting a clear overview of the musicians and groups history.

I guess the only major revision was the addition of a paragraph which analyzes my reasons for liking my musicians music. The paragraph on its own is solid enough. However, I worry over it's placement and overall relevance to the essay as a whole. Remember I mentioned the essay having a particular type of flow thats better left undisturbed? The paragraph does, however, add a layer to the paper and makes it that much more informational. It clearly presents the reason for why someone might enjoy Shevchuk's music. If I was to edit further, I would have to spend time fixing up some rough edges with the paragraph, particularly the ending, which does not go too well into the conclusion.

Combined, his lyrics, instruments, and tone create something unheard of anywhere else in the world.
From an obscure and troublesome beginning, Yuri Shevchuk was able to rise to the mountain top.
As can be seen the ending is a little too bristly for the beginning of the conclusion

The last thing that I am going to mention is the conclusion. I really enjoyed how I worded most of my previous conclusion and decided to keep it. I came up with a beginning sentence:
From an obscure and troublesome beginning, Yuri Shevchuk was able to rise to the mountain top.
A reference to MLK (yea I know, I'm a genius, no need to say it) and then added one more sentence before fusing the previous conclusion to it. I think it fits pretty good. Shevchuk as a person is summarized and a little insight into what he is doing right now is given. I attempted to draft several conclusions that would directly summarize the whole essay. In frustration with how out of tune with the paper they were, I deleted them without much thought. In the end, an informal conclusion actually did the job I wanted the conclusion to do.

Here is the revised essay:



Russia’s Greatest

Yuri Yulianovich Shevchuk is Russia’s greatest songwriter. His music has lasted through generations and embodies all of the feelings and troubles the Russian people went through from 1980 to the present. Shevchuk’s eloquent poetry-like lyrics hide deep and multisided interpretations of life, love, patriotism, religion, politics, and consciousness in the Soviet Union and later Russia. If interpretation and philosophical meaning is not your game, Shevchuk’s wonderful instrumentals are all you need to like his music. He incorporates many different instruments and styles that create a truly unique sound. His fruitful career began in 1980 and has not stopped going.
Born 16 May 1957, Shevchuk grew up in the city of Ufa, located in the southwest corner of present day Russia. He began studying music at age 6 but it would not be until the 1970’s, when Russian rock started to emerge, that music would become the defining factor of his life. In 1980 he was introduced to a group of Rock players and together they formed a group called DDT. DDT was destined to become the greatest Russian Rock group.
The early history of the group was turbulent. DDT gained steady popularity until the KGB began to scrutinize the group for their apparent anti-party lyrics and forced the group to go underground. The Soviet government soiled DDT’s name in the press and eventually forced the original members to disperse. Shevchuk, unabated, continued to play and traveled widely around Soviet Russia performing wherever he could. Moving to Moscow, Shevchuk began to rebuild DDT by himself, working where he could and actively writing music. In 1987 he put together a new group and things began rolling again. A year later, the newly reborn DDT toured the Soviet Union and was able to record an album.
From this point on Shevchuk’s, and DDT’s, career began to blossom. His recordings during the end of the 1980’s and throughout the 1990’s would be his best ever. His music would play in my house and become embedded in my head. His most famous songs, recorded around 1995, are those you hear if you ever watch documentaries on the fall of the Soviet Union. These songs echo the emotions of the population at that turbulent time. Even the instrumental part is eerie and at intervals hard on the ears. The music he created during this period is what he is most known for and it was this music that turned me into a big fan.
Yuri Shevchuk is a rock and roller at heart. He feels that to truly express music you must play it on real instruments, sing it, and feel it. He often spends years creating an album, writing his lyrics and putting extensive effort into selecting the right instruments. He is a big fan of American Rock and roll, particularly the Beatles, of which he owns several quite pricey autographed albums and posters. Because of his strict belief that music should be part of the soul, Shevchuk is severely against pop music. To him it’s a scourge to the ears. He so passionately despises Russian pop music that he went out of his way to humiliate a famous, yet fake, Russian pop artist by the name of Philip Kirkorov. Like many Russian pop musicians, Kirkorov sung in the form of lip-synching. He made the mistake of angering one of his communication directors who had access to recordings of Kirkorov lip-synching during a concert while the real song played in the background. Together with Shevchuk, the communications director streamed this audio on the World Wide Web. I distinctly remember myself laughing when my brother let me listen to it. In protest, Shevchuk ridicules pop music in many of his songs.
Protest lyrics, the bread and butter of many DDT songs did not stop when the KGB liquidated the original DDT. It continues today with songs that reflect current problems in Russia. In particular Shevchuk focuses on the lack of Democracy in Russia and the apparent failure, or inaction, of the politicians to do anything about it. In 2008 Shevchuk participated in a Dissenters March in St. Petersburg to show his dislike over Russia’s political climate. As a result of his actions, Shevchuk is seen negatively by the Russian government. His music never plays on Russian radio stations.
Shevchuk protest songs also reach out to war. Like pop, Shevchuk is severely against war. It was an anti-Afghanistan War song that attracted the attention of the KGB in the 1980’s. Some of Shevchuk’s most powerful and saddest songs were written about war, particularly its meaningless and unfairness. He visited soldiers fighting in Chechnya in the 1990’s and early 2000’s and performed free concerts in their honor. Any time he stages a concert that is against war, the profits he earns usually ending up being donated to those who suffered.
So, what about Shevchuk’s music is so appealing? To me, is the way he is able to fuse his tone, the meaning of his words, and his stunning instrumentals to present a theme. Each song is unique in its own right. Just by listening, with no need for comprehension, one can tell the seriousness of a song simply by the tone of the voice or by the selection and tempo of the instruments. It’s amazing. In addition, Shevchuk’s lyrics are essentially poems that can be read without the music. The though and effort he puts in to each lyric is unparalleled. One phrase can have three different meanings. I often sit and try to comprehend what he is trying to say, often, I must admit, with no success. Combined, his lyrics, instruments, and tone create something unheard of anywhere else in the world.
From an obscure and troublesome beginning, Yuri Shevchuk was able to rise to the mountain top. In his thirty years of being a musician, Shevchuk’s accomplishments are mirrored by few. He still writes wonderful music, full of meaning and sound. His poetry critiques the faults of Russia and paints a picture of what life is like. He sponsors young Russian rock musicians in order to keep Russian rock alive. A great humanitarian, artist, and man, Shevchuk should never stop playing.