Damn! Writing about your favorite musician is annoying.

Reflection:

This essay needs a lot of work. I have included tons of information but it is all just thrown into a pile without extensive organisation and editing. I have to revise my intro to better set the mood of the paper. Particularly, I need to add more pizazz to the opening sentences. My conclusion is very bad, and is probably the worst part of the essay. I will have to create a completely new one that will better flow with the paper. Oh, and the title completely blows. That has to be fixed as well
When I looked at the meat of the paper, I realized that I went a little too detailed into the history of the group and of the musician. I am definitely going to cut out many unnecessary aspects of the group history, mainly in the third paragraph. I also want to include a little more of the reasons for why I enjoy my favorite musician's stuff. This should add a perspective on how his music is different.
There are things that I do enjoy about the paper. I think that there are plenty of anecdotes that sufficiently describe who the musician is and what he stands for. The way things are described and the word choice are also pretty good.
The overall message of the reflection: this essay is in grave need of extensive revision!


Here is the first draft of the essay:

Yuri Shevchuk

Yuri Yulianovich Shevchuk is Russia’s greatest songwriter. His music has lasted through generations and embodies all of the feelings and troubles the Russian people went through from 1980 to the present. Shevchuk’s eloquent poetry like lyrics hide deep and multisided interpretations of life, love, patriotism, religion, politics, and consciousness in the Soviet Union and later Russia. If interpretation and philosophical meaning is not your game, Shevchuk’s wonderful instrumentals are all you need to like his music. He incorporates many different instruments and styles into his music. His career began in 1980 when he helped find one of, if not the, most famous Russian rock groups called DDT.
Born 16 May 1957, Shevchuk grew up in the city of Ufa, located in the southwest corner of present day Russia. Shevchuk’s parents were both school teachers and his childhood was dominated by art. He began studying music at age 6 but it would not be until the 1970’s, when Russian rock started to emerge, that music would become more important than art in his life. In 1980 he was introduced to a group of Rock players and together they formed DDT.
In 1983 DDT won a Soviet-Union wide contest that won them listeners and money to record their first album. The group progressed and began recording with other Rock groups, gaining popularity. Popularity, however, isn’t always good. DDT came under the scrutiny of the KGB. As early as 1985, Shevchuk was writing songs of protest. At the time, the USSR was mired in a quagmire war in Afghanistan. The lyrics to some of DDT’s songs were seen as anti-party values by the Soviet government. KGB scrutiny forced DDT to go underground. But this would not be enough. KGB efforts forced the group to disperse. Shevchuk’s name was soiled in the press and he was forced to travel the country to make a living as a musician, performing wherever he could. Moving to Moscow, Shevchuk began to rebuild DDT by himself, working where he could and actively writing music. In 1987 he put together a new group and things began rolling again. In 1988 the newly reborn DDT toured the Soviet Union and was able to record an album.
From this point on Shevchuk’s, and DDT’s, career began to blossom. His recordings during the end of the 1980’s and throughout the 1990’s would be his best ever. That music would play in my house and become embedded in my head. His most famous songs, recorded around 1995, are those you hear if you ever watch documentaries on the fall of the Soviet Union. These songs echo the emotions of the population at that turbulent time. Even the instrumental part is eerie and at intervals hard on the ears. The music he created during this period is what he is most known for and it was this music that turned me into a big fan.
Yuri Shevchuk is a rock and roller at heart. He feels that to truly express music you must play it on real instruments, sing it, and feel it. He is a big fan of American Rock and roll, particularly the Beatles, of which he owns several quite pricey autographed albums and posters. Shevchuk is severely against pop music. To him it’s a scourge to the ears. He so passionately despises Russian pop music that he went out of his way to humiliate a famous, yet fake, Russian pop artist by the name of Philip Kirkorov. Kirkorov sung in the form of lip-synching. He made the mistake of angering one of his communication directors who had access to recordings of Kirkorov lip-synching during a concert while the real song played in the background. Together with Shevchuk, the communications director streamed this audio on the World Wide Web. I distinctly remember myself laughing when my brother let me listen to it. Shevchuk ridicules pop music in many of his songs and continues to do so today.
The protest though song that caused the liquidation of the original group DDT did not stop. Today Shevchuk writes songs that reflect current problems in Russia. In particular Shevchuk focuses on the lack of Democracy in Russia and the apparent failure, or inaction, of the politicians to do anything about it. In 2008 Shevchuk participated in a Dissenters March in St. Petersburg to show his dislike over Russia’s political climate. As a result of his actions, Shevchuk falls is seen negatively by the Russian government. His music never plays on Russian radio stations.
Shevchuk protest songs also reach out to war. Shevchuk long stood against war. It was an anti-Afghanistan War song that attracted the attention of the KGB in the 1980’s. Some of Shevchuk’s most powerful and saddest songs were written in protest of war. He visited soldiers fighting in Chechnya in the 1990’s and early 2000’s and performed free concerts in their honor. He toured and staged many concerts to protest wars, the profits he earns usually ending up being donated to those who suffered.
Shevchuk is Russia’s greatest musician. His career began in 1980 and since then has not stopped rolling. He still writes wonderful music, full of meaning and sound. His poetry critiques the faults of Russia and paints a picture of what life is like. He sponsors young Russian rock musicians in order to keep Russian rock alive. A great humanitarian, artist, and man, Shevchuk should never stop playing.


I would like you, Ms.Basko, to look at the following:

1. Does the essay fit exemplification requirements? If not, what needs to be added/cut?
2. The flow
3. Is there any part in the essay where I go overboard with information, beside the places I gave in the reflection, or where I do not expand enough?
4. The overall imprint left on the mind after the paper is read.
5. Any suggestions on an intro and a conclusion?